Hospital Laptop
Awesome Adventures In Laptop Buying
I was tidying up the shed this morning when I made an amazing and surprising discovery. Inside a rotting shoe box, under a dusty stack of Mojo magazines, I found a crumbling manuscript bound with a simple piece of soldering wire and a few paperclips for extra stability.
As I carefully unfolded the dusty bundle I made a brief scan of the Times New Roman text and realised something truly incredible – what I had in my hands dated back as far as web 1.0! Dumbstruck with awe I carefully attempted to read the full script, but without the reassuring backlight of my Apple iPad the task was unbearably difficult.
With the help of a team of tramps I employ I have now successfully analysed the document and can reveal that it dates as far back as possibly 2008 and is the diary of an average 21st Century fellow, detailing his exploits as he tries to find a decent laptop. Working day and night I have successfully transcribed the fascinating account onto my laptop and here, for the first time, I can bring you fascinating excerpts from this forgotten treasure:
Monday, Friday, January 18, 2008
Today might as well have been Friday the thirteenth considering how awful it’s been. Went to work in the dark and rain, came home in the dark and rain. As I was crossing Chelsea Bridge I thought I saw a bear wielding a rabid King Penguin looming towards me through the mist. As I ran for my life I tripped over a huddle of street urchins and my laptop went flying over the side into the murky Thames water. Lying in the gutter, having just thrown two-year’s worth of work to the depths of the Thames, I looked up to discover my would-be assailant was merely a kindly chimpanzee in a cape carrying a portrait of Terence Stamp.
When I got home we were out of milk, must remember to buy some. Guess I’m going to have to spend my weekend getting a new cheap laptop then. At least I smell nice.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I was all set to leave the house and embark on a spot of laptop shopping this morning and was just studying the A to Z to find the best way to my local high street (I may have walked it hundreds of times, but you can never be sure) when I noticed a spelling error in the labelling of nearby Gary Barlow Close. Well, you can imagine my horror. I immediately realised that is was my duty to go through the entire atlas in search of mistakes, document them and send a comprehensive missive to the publishers. At 1am I finished my task and returned to bed, there were only two mistakes, including the missing dot from an i in Little Littling Street, but I think the public will be eminently thankful for my correction.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Came very close to getting a brand new laptop today, I made it to the shop and everything. Unfortunately by that time I was bleeding quite furiously from the bites round my elbow from the tiger I’d annoyed when I accidentally stood on it’s tail whilst hiding in the undergrowth from a particularly aggressive squirrel. Also, the shop was closed. Went back to bed after a brief visit to the hospital.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Went online and bought a laptop, LCD TV and extra laptop memory from Ebuyer.
An extraordinary tale, I think you’ll agree. I’m heading to a museum now which has expressed interest in the document as part of a collection on diaries of liars.
Hospital Laptop With Patient Information Stolen
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3D Full Digital Laptop Ultrasound Scanner(PC) with Convex Probe Hospital Health $3,699.00 |
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Ergotron StyleView Notebook Laptop Computer Cart for Hospital $750.00 |
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Rubbermaid Hospital Mobile Medication Station Cart Laptop Monitor 9M29 5-drawer $750.00 |
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Rubbermaid Power Adjustable Hospital Mobile Medication Cart Laptop Mdl. 9M29-08 $599.00 |
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Ergotron StyleView Non-Powered Notebook Laptop Cart Rolling Mobile Hospital $499.99 |
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Ergotron StyleView Non-Powered Notebook Laptop Cart Rolling Mobile Hospital $400.00 |
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Ergotron StyleView Non-Powered Notebook Laptop Mobile Cart Hospital FOR PARTS $199.99 |
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Hospital Tilt Top Rolling Overbed Over Bed Table Computer Laptop Tray 6418 $63.99 |
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NEW Computer Laptop/Hospital Table Stand Cart for Bed or Chair, Adjustable $63.88 |
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Overbed Table Bed Laptop Adjustable Tray Tv Food Hospital Workstation $62.84 |
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Hospital Laptop Computer Food Over-Bed Table Stand $56.90 |
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Hospital Over Bed Overbed Table Rolling Laptop NEW $56.49 |
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Auto-Touch Hospital Over Bed Overbed Table Laptop Food TV Rolling Computer 6417 $54.99 |
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Hospital Over Bed Overbed Table Laptop Food TV Rolling $54.99 |
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Angle & Height Adjustable Rolling Laptop Desk Cart Over Bed Hospital Table Stand $54.95 |
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New Hospital Food Tray Computer PC Rolling Laptop Desk Tiltable Split-Top Table $54.95 |
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New Rolling Laptop Desk Tiltable Split-Top Table Hospital Food Tray Computer PC $54.95 |
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Adjustable Rolling Laptop Desk Cart Over Bed Hospital TableStand Angle & Height $54.95 |
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Hospital Laptop Computer Food Over-Bed Table Brand New $53.14 |
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Hospital Over Bed Overbed Table Laptop Food TV Rolling $53.13 |
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WOOD BED TRAY SERVING TRAY – TV DINNER HOSPITAL LAPTOP WRITING DESK $49.99 |
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Rolling Adjustable Over Bed Laptop Table TV Food Tray Hospital Workstation $49.99 |
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Hospital Over Bed Laptop Table TV Workstation Adjustable Sofa Food Tray Rolling $49.95 |
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Workstation Adjustable Sofa Food Tray Rolling Hospital Over Bed Laptop Table TV $49.95 |
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Tilltable Tabletop Overbed Desk TV Food Tray Hospital PC W Rolling Laptop Table $49.95 |
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Rolling Laptop Table Tilltable Tabletop Overbed Desk TV Food Tray Hospital PC $49.95 |
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Hospital Tilt Top Rolling Overbed Over Bed Table Computer Laptop Computer Table $47.88 |
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Hospital Tilt Top Rolling Overbed Over Bed Table Computer Laptop Computer Table $47.88 |
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Rolling Hospital Tilt-Top OverBed Table Laptop TV Stand $46.96 |
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Rolling Mobile Adjustable Laptop Desk Cart w/ Split-Top Over Bed Hospital Table $46.95 |
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MY SWIVEL BED TRAY TABLE WITH ADJUSTABLE LEG HEIGHTS – AS SEEN ON TV! “My Swivel Bed Tray Table” is the ultimate swivel floating table that adjusts to any bed! Your essential bedside companion can be used on any bed including bunk beds, water beds, RV beds and is perfect for dorm rooms! Features metal frame with adjustable legs heights from 13″-17″ to match any size mattress. Replaces bulky nightstands at a fraction of the price. Assembles in minutes; no tools requ… |
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Hospital Doctor Working on a Laptop – 36W x 24H – Peel and Stick Wall Decal by Wallmonkeys $51.99 WallMonkeys wall graphics are printed on the highest quality re-positionable, self-adhesive fabric paper. Each order is printed in-house and on-demand. WallMonkeys uses premium materials & state-of-the-art production technologies. Our white fabric material is superior to vinyl decals. You can literally see and feel the difference. Our wall graphics apply in minutes and won’t damage your paint or l… |